Why Sharing Daily Life Matters in Long-Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationships lack shared physical routines, but research suggests couples compensate by sharing everyday experiences through mediated communication.

A large survey study by Holtzman et al. (2021) found that people in long-distance relationships text more frequently than geographically close couples, and that both frequent and responsive texting are linked to higher relationship satisfaction in long-distance relationships—but not in close-distance ones. The authors suggest that texting helps maintain a sense of continuity when in-person interaction is limited, especially through sharing ongoing daily experiences rather than only major events.

Earlier work supports this interpretation. Jiang and Hancock (2013) used a daily-diary design and found that long-distance couples engage in more frequent and longer mediated communication, often sharing routine details of daily life. This pattern was associated with higher perceived intimacy and relationship quality, suggesting that mundane exchanges help partners feel psychologically close despite physical distance.

Qualitative interview studies also show that long-distance couples deliberately share small, ordinary moments—such as meals, minor frustrations, or daily moods—to create what researchers describe as “virtual co-presence”, the feeling of being part of each other’s everyday lives even when apart (Greenberg & Neustaedter, 2013).

Importantly, the benefit does not appear to come from message volume alone. Research on perceived partner responsiveness—feeling understood, acknowledged, and emotionally attended to—shows that responsiveness during mediated communication is closely tied to intimacy and satisfaction in romantic relationships (Reis & Shaver, 1988; Laurenceau et al., 1998). Holtzman et al. (2021) specifically found that texting responsiveness predicted relationship satisfaction in long-distance couples, reinforcing that how daily experiences are received matters as much as sharing them.

Together, these findings suggest that sharing daily life in long-distance relationships is not trivial. Consistent, responsive exchanges about ordinary experiences help sustain emotional closeness when physical co-presence is unavailable.

Reference:

• Holtzman, S., Kushlev, K., Wozny, A., & Godard, R. (2021). Text messaging is linked with higher relationship satisfaction in long-distance relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

• Jiang, L. C., & Hancock, J. T. (2013). Absence makes the communication grow fonder. Journal of Communication.

• Greenberg, S., & Neustaedter, C. (2013). Intimacy in long-distance relationships over video chat.

• Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process.

• Laurenceau, J.-P., Barrett, L. F., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (1998).